Check in the dark - The stand In

Lyrics:
i saw an angel night before last
they come from kentucky, who'd have thought that?
she had a smile, it was so genuinely kind
sorta make you feel like you're sipping on some fine red wine

she rendered me speechless, well she rendered me still
she had me feeling like the fool on the hill
she said she's taken but i don't believe
that she could be meant for anybody but me

angels come from kentucky i guess
sweet sweet girl you made my head a mess
you got me locked out here, dancing in the rain
drunk with the thought of your smiling face
i know you are an angel and it can not be
but what if it was you and what if it was me
and...what if 600 years ago, you were juliet and I was...
well you know how that story goes....

so what if its a puzzle and you're the only piece the only jig to make my saw complete
what if i go stumbling for the rest of my days because i am a cripple and you were my cane oh no....

angels come from kentucky i guess
sweet sweet girl you made my head a mess
you got me locked out here, dancing in the rain
drunk with the thought of your smiling face
i know you are an angel and it can not be
but what if it was you and what if it was me
and...what if 600 years ago, you were juliet and I was...
well you know how that story goes....


p/s: I don't know why but I think this song is so sweet. Can't stop listening to it.

Going down.

I built my wall of confidence this high...

but now....

it's crumbling down.....

crumbling down....

down....

down....

down...

down...

and

DOWN.

I have no more strength to pretend how tough i can be.

I have nothing but feel ashamed of myself. 

p/s: praying to Allah to help me to go through these difficulties and make me stronger than I was ever before. 

no happy ending.

Right now I'm in a phase where:

I just want run away and hide.

I can't handle the truth.

I can't stop blaming myself for making that stupid mistake.

For once, I just want things to go according to my plan.

Or how I imagine it to be. 

If i could turn back time...

I keep saying to myself, "there's no use of crying over spilt milk". But, it is not helping. I keep crying over the past. I keep thinking about past. I keep dreaming about the past. I want to be in the past. I want to be able to redo all the things that I've done and undo all the mistakes that I've made. 

I want to live my life with no regrets but unfortunately, I have plenty. I keep trying to pretend that it will all be alright. But every night before I sleep, I know it will never be alright. I keep trying to fix it but all i do is making it worse. I keep forcing myself to move forward, but all I want to do is move backwards and be in the past. Change the past. Live the past. 

My life is full of regrets and I just don't know how to deal with them. I don't know how to make my life better. I don't know how to make me feel better. All i know is, if i'm able to change the past, i might get to live like how i want it to be.