i hope i'm dreaming it right.

i should be happy and excited, but i don't and i don't know why.
is it because i never wanted to do it in the first place?
or is it because i know i should be doing something else and not this? 
or is it because i have not experienced it yet and once i have, i'll be happy?
or is it because i have planned what i want for my future and right now, it does not go according to plan?


there are so many possibilities but deep down, i just got a feeling that i am not going to be happy.
maybe this is what Allah has planned for me. maybe this is just a phase. i don't know. 
all i know is, i just need to start think positive about it. maybe i will enjoy it, once i know what i got myself into.


for the past couple of weeks, i've been thinking of what i'm good at and so far, none. 
and then, i think what i had exprienced in the past and i realised, maybe what happened to me in the past, it was not all that bad. 
come to think of it, i did enjoy it. 
i just don't know why, only now i realize it.
but the only problem is, do i have a passion for it? and in order to know that, i need to experience it again. but right now, i am not given the chance to do so. i guess that is because, it was already too late for me. 
i just need to grab whatever opportunity that is given to me right now and see how it goes. 


"Dear God, please show me the right path that i need to take. i need Your guidance. i just can't do it myself. Amin"


and starting next week, my new journey will begin. but my old plan stays (it's not that old, since i've made that plan 3-4 weeks ago). let just say, i can now dream of what my future will be (based on my old plan, of course). but i just don't know if that is the right dream. i hope it is. because if it is not, my old plan has got to go and i don't want that. i like my old plan :) 


i'm hoping the best for me. and i'm hoping the best for all of you. let's hope the best for all us, shall we? :)