training, training, training.

first day of training: it made me thinking why the heck did i agree to this job when i don't think i can do it.


second day of training: i suck. 


third day of training: well, let's hope my third and last day of training will be better. i am praying hard for tomorrow.


p/s: i fell asleep during my training session with John. sorry John, it's not me, it's you.

but why aren't you?

all i want is for you to be proud of me.

but why aren't you?

yes, i'm not as clever as anybody else,

but i did try my best,

maybe not my 100%, 

but i did try.

i am happy with the result,

but why aren't you?

am i embarrassing you?

am i not good enough for you?

do you even have faith in me?

do you believe in me?

are you supporting me?

if you do, you have a funny way of showing it.

all i want is for you to be proud of me,

i may not be the best person in this world,

but i don't deserve to be belittled,

just like how other people did to me,

not from you,

especially from you.

i just want you to be proud of me,

but why aren't you?

i hope i'm dreaming it right.

i should be happy and excited, but i don't and i don't know why.
is it because i never wanted to do it in the first place?
or is it because i know i should be doing something else and not this? 
or is it because i have not experienced it yet and once i have, i'll be happy?
or is it because i have planned what i want for my future and right now, it does not go according to plan?


there are so many possibilities but deep down, i just got a feeling that i am not going to be happy.
maybe this is what Allah has planned for me. maybe this is just a phase. i don't know. 
all i know is, i just need to start think positive about it. maybe i will enjoy it, once i know what i got myself into.


for the past couple of weeks, i've been thinking of what i'm good at and so far, none. 
and then, i think what i had exprienced in the past and i realised, maybe what happened to me in the past, it was not all that bad. 
come to think of it, i did enjoy it. 
i just don't know why, only now i realize it.
but the only problem is, do i have a passion for it? and in order to know that, i need to experience it again. but right now, i am not given the chance to do so. i guess that is because, it was already too late for me. 
i just need to grab whatever opportunity that is given to me right now and see how it goes. 


"Dear God, please show me the right path that i need to take. i need Your guidance. i just can't do it myself. Amin"


and starting next week, my new journey will begin. but my old plan stays (it's not that old, since i've made that plan 3-4 weeks ago). let just say, i can now dream of what my future will be (based on my old plan, of course). but i just don't know if that is the right dream. i hope it is. because if it is not, my old plan has got to go and i don't want that. i like my old plan :) 


i'm hoping the best for me. and i'm hoping the best for all of you. let's hope the best for all us, shall we? :)

"i'd catch a grenade for ya"

i don't know about you guys, but this song is my new favourite song! i can't stop listening to it! it is from bruno mars and the it is called "grenade". listen to it..

p/s: i also love "just the way you are"...sweet song!

dilemma

i thought i already knew what i wanted. 

it sucks being ME.

oh no!

as most of you know, i have finished my studies like 3 months ago and i am now jobless. but right now, i don't want to talk about that.


i have just realized that my English is getting worse! can you imagine, after 5 years of being in the faculty of education and took TESL as my course, now i have difficulties to speak English fluently?? it's not that i was fluent in speaking English before, but i know i can speak better than i am right now. i am now also confused with my grammar. *horror*


i think i really need to educate myself again! okay, i am now more determined than ever to choose teaching as my profession because i think that will help me to learn my English again. i can teach people and at the same time, i can teach myself right? but, who wants an English teacher like me? a person who thinks that her English is getting worse? *horror* (but, i think i will just take whatever job that is being offered to me right now since i am penny-less)


come to think of it, the reason my English is getting worse is because i hardly communicate in English with anybody that i know of. i speak 'rojak' with my family as well as with my friends. back when i was in uni, i had to speak English in class or whenever i met my lecturers or supervisor. now, i only speak English when i go for interviews. and boy, i struggled hard to find words! i mean, it's like i don't know what happen to my vocabulary. even right now, i am still struggling to find the right words to describe what is happening to me right now. i am also not sure if my writing is grammatically correct or not right now. (well, i kinda like always have a problem with that and i am not proud of it) but this is getting worse! and i am scared!


okay nadia, starting from today, i need to read more English books and newspaper. i also need to speak English more (starting with my parents). i've stopped reading since i did not get any new books to read. i hardly read the newspaper because i would rather watch tv or online. i think i know why i am still jobless. my English sucks.


it's time for me to learn English again!


p/s: sorry if my grammar sucks. please correct me.

selena gomez

i think she looks so pretty in this video.