i miss US.

Those were the days when I had all the time in the world to spend my time with them. Now, everybody is everywhere doing their own thing. It's not easy to meet up and catch up. I just can't wait for RAYA because I know, that will be the time where everybody will make time for each other :)

*iftar with the girls that I ♥*

p/s: finally all of us had the time to have our iftar together. If only all of the 'Beaches & Aceholes' were there too...

conversation with my little brother.

His birthday was last May. He demanded expensive things from my parents. Mind you, he is only 13. He got an iPod touch from my dad and also a whole set of suit from my mom. (Blazer, vest, shirt, slack trousers and tie). It is ridiculous right?  

Me: Motif?

Mama: Papa la yang suruh. Mama dah kene beli sebab Jemir nak sangat. 

Me: Manja kan sangat! 

Actually I'm jealous. I mean, it costs almost RM500! 

Me: Jemir nak pakai blazer pergi mana?

Jemir: Ntah. Hotel kot.

Me: Membazir je. Hotel mana? Untuk?

Jemir: Ntah. If ada makan-makan, jemir pakai la.

Emir: Alaa..nanti kakak kawin kat hotel, Jemir pakai la.

Me: Hamboih!

And one day, Jemir asked me a question.

Jemir: Kak, bila kakak nak kahwin?

Me: Huh? Kenapa tetiba tanya??

Jemir: Jemir nak pakai suit! Nanti tak muat!

Me: Tunggu lagi 2-3 tahun. Padan muka! 

Jemir: Alaa...kahwinlah akhir tahun ni. Or tahun depan. Insyallah Jemir muat lagi pakai suit if tahun depan.

Me: Ingat senang ke nak kahwin? Sapa nak bagi duit? Plus, if kakak kahwin, kene pakai baju melayu ok? No suit.

Jemir: Alaa...kata nak buat kat hotel. Suit la.

Me: Jemir nak bagi kakak duit ke? Kakak buat kat dewan je. Baju melayu ok?

Jemir: Takde. Jemir nak pakai suit gak! And Jemir boleh guarantee yang kakak akan kahwin akhir tahun nie.

Me: =_='

Gile punye adik!

Will you weep with me?

If you know someone that will always be there for you no matter when you're happy or sad, can I be his/her friend?
Will you introduce me to him/her?

what to respond?

A few weeks ago, in class....

Me: Have a nice weekend everyone! See you next Monday!

Students: See you, miss!

Boy A: I'll see you in my dream, miss.

Me: o..kay...

A few weeks ago, in my office...

Boy A: How does it feel like to be 20-ish?

Me: Feel so old.

Boy A: You're not old, miss. You still look perky...

Me: o..kay...

Boy A: That does not sound right, right?

Me: Yaa.... i guess...but, thank you...i guess.

Just now, in class....

Me: Let me check your essay.

Boy R: Okay. 

Boy A: Miss, you smell so nice. I like it.

Me: o..kay... thank you.

I don't know about you guys, but it is weird for me to hear that from my student. Especially when it's from a boy. I know he was just trying to be friendly but it is still awkward. To be honest, I don't even know how to respond to that kind of comment. Maybe I should just say "thank you" right? I mean, he was just simply complimenting me. I don't even know why I should feel awkward about it.

So to Boy A, thank you. I guess. :)

p/s: Maybe because he is 18 and I am 24? Or maybe because he is a student and I'm a lecturer? Or maybe it IS because I AM getting OLD. Oh well, Hello Miss Old Nadia =_='

train incident.

Last Friday, when I was on my way to KLCC via LRT, there was a mother and her daughter sat in front of me. The daughter is so adorable and I think that was her first time on a train. She was like "Ohh mummy, I can see everything from here", "Ohhh mummy, look!" with her cute voice. I think the daughter is a chindian. So cute!

Anyways, while she was saying "ohhh" that and "ohh" this...I was listening to songs on my phone. I wasn't really paying attention until suddenly a chinese guy who sat beside me, waving his hand at my face. 

And it went like this:

Me: Yes?

Him: What kind of song are you listening to?

Me: Err...is it so loud?

Him: No...I was just asking.

Me: Owh okay...  

And when I was about to put earphone back into my ear...

Him: Don't you think she's annoying? I can't stand kids like that. If I were her parent, I would bury my face somewhere so that people won't see me.

He was referring to the daughter who sat in front of us. And he didn't talk softly... He talked quite loud which I was pretty sure that the mother could heard him.

Me: Erm...but she's cute what...and she's a kid...so it's normal la...

Him: Are you defending her??

Me: Yaa... I love kids. 

Him: *shaking his head*

And again, when I thought the conversation was over...

Him: Let me give you two situations...

Me: Uh hmm...

Him: If you have to choose between two guys...one of the guy is funny and he really makes you laugh...

Me: Uh hmm...

Him: The other guy...he really cares about you...he treats you like a princess...to him, you are the world... So who would you choose?

Me: I'll choose the first guy.

Him: Really? Why?

Me: I don't like guy who is clingy and needy. 

Him: Wohooo! Good answer! 

*He asked for a knuckle. Something like a high-five. I don't know what it's called actually*

Him: Must be based on experience right?

Me: No laa.. *faking a laugh*

Him: By the way, my name is Jon. You?

Me: Nadia. *shaking his hand*

And apparently he didn't stop there...

Him: I got the wrong train you know? I can't believe I took the wrong train before. I mean, I took train everyday to work and going back home. I don't know how I could take the wrong one just now.

Me: Maybe because you're so tired. You didn't realize it.

Him: Wow! Genius! Maybe... Right! Right! 

Me: *faking a laugh again*

But in my heart, I can't stop hoping that he would just shut up.

Him: So what are you doing now?

Me: I'm a lecturer.

Him: Wow! oh wow! where?

Me: INTEC. Do you know what is it?

Him: So you're teaching the untalented students? *laughing*

Him: I know some lecturers have to teach the untalented kids. *still laughing*

Me: They are actually very clever.

Him: Are you sure or not?

Me: Ya. They are under scholarship from JPA and MARA. They are going to overseas for their degree. I'm teaching A-Level students.

Him: Oh okay. So what are you teaching?

ME: English. Basic stuff before they are introduced to IELTS.

Him: Whoa! you teach IELTS? *laughing* you're teaching IELTS?? *sounded disbelief*

Me: Not really. I don't have the qualification to teach IELTS. I'm teaching them basic stuff.

Him: *laughing*

Me: *annoyed, and when I was about to put my earphone into my ear again...*

Him: Can I have your number? My station is next. Maybe we can keep in touch later.

Me: Err...Okay.

And yes, I gave him my number. I was holding my phone at that time. So I had to give it to him. And he miscalled right there and then to give me his number.

And when he walked out of the train, I felt relieved. And when I was about to put my earphone into my ear again, suddenly I heard a loud knocked behind me. And it was him. Knocked the window quite loud just to wave goodbye. And everybody in the train that was near me, looked at me. 

A few hours later.

Beep. Beep.

I got a text. And it was him.

"Nice to know that you're not in2 old guys. haha*

Next morning.

He called. But I didn't pick up.

I know he was being friendly. But there is something about his attitude that I don't like. he was like a little bit arrogant, I think. And quite rude. Especially when he commented about the little girl. I mean, you don't have to talk about it loudly right? I am so sure that the mother could heard him. Because she was sitting right in front of us. 


But to be honest, if he didn't talk about that kid in that kind of way, I might be interested to add him as my new friend. 

Oh well. Everyday you will meet new people right?

pathetic, i am.

yeah, i'm pathetic. i know. 

the fasting month is bacckk!

List of food that I wanted to eat before Ramadhan:

1. Sakae Sushi
2. Johnny's Steamboat
3. Chicken Rice Shop
4. Nando's
5. Old Town White Coffee
6. Cheesy Wedges (KFC)
7. Ben's
8. Red Velvet Cake/Cupcake
9. Aunty Anne
10. Tony Roma's
11. IKEA Meatballs
12. Butter Cream Chicken Rice

I'm so going to crave some of the food that I did not manage to eat before fasting. I don't really like to 'berbuka' at restaurants because i hate the waiting part. And the food will be served early and it will be cold once we eat it. Oh well....

Anyways, Selamat Berpuasa everyone!

Happy Ramadhan!

p/s: to the boys, please don't ponteng puasa ;)

should i care?

if only i could do that.

if only i have that kind of attitude. 

Going down.

I built my wall of confidence this high...

but now....

it's crumbling down.....

crumbling down....

down....

down....

down...

down...

and

DOWN.

I have no more strength to pretend how tough i can be.

I have nothing but feel ashamed of myself. 

p/s: praying to Allah to help me to go through these difficulties and make me stronger than I was ever before. 

no happy ending.

Right now I'm in a phase where:

I just want run away and hide.

I can't handle the truth.

I can't stop blaming myself for making that stupid mistake.

For once, I just want things to go according to my plan.

Or how I imagine it to be. 

If i could turn back time...

I keep saying to myself, "there's no use of crying over spilt milk". But, it is not helping. I keep crying over the past. I keep thinking about past. I keep dreaming about the past. I want to be in the past. I want to be able to redo all the things that I've done and undo all the mistakes that I've made. 

I want to live my life with no regrets but unfortunately, I have plenty. I keep trying to pretend that it will all be alright. But every night before I sleep, I know it will never be alright. I keep trying to fix it but all i do is making it worse. I keep forcing myself to move forward, but all I want to do is move backwards and be in the past. Change the past. Live the past. 

My life is full of regrets and I just don't know how to deal with them. I don't know how to make my life better. I don't know how to make me feel better. All i know is, if i'm able to change the past, i might get to live like how i want it to be. 

I cried.

I cried and I cried and I prayed. 

Hoping that my life will be better. Hoping that I will have a better future. Hoping that I will be able to go through all the obstacles.

But somehow, I feel like I am destined to be a failure.

No matter how hard I try to climb up, I will always fall down.

I envy those who succeeds in everything.

Especially those whom I think are not worthy. Yes, I'm a little bit upset here. 

But maybe, just maybe, this is the way that God is trying to tell me to work harder. 

Maybe He wants to test me.

Or maybe He is punishing me for all the sins that I have done.

I cried and I cried and I prayed.

Hoping that all of this will go away.

Hoping that all of this is just a dream. 

Hoping to wake up tomorrow with a good news.

Should I or shouldn't I?

I was let go from my boss last year after he said that I was not performing. He let me go without giving me any warnings. At first, I was quite down because I planned to resign before he could fire me but he made his move first. I guess, I was too late. He told me that my salary will be paid until 24th of December. He said they do not know how much they will pay me yet, but they will give me a call. I don't know how to calculate my salary but I can pretty much assume how much I will get. 


Two days after I was let go, my Mentor called and asked me to collect my first half of my salary. He said, the other half will be given at the end of January. I asked him how much I was supposed to get, he said he doesn't know. Again, I just assumed how much my other half of my salary will be, let just say more or less RM1k++.


January came to an end and I still did not get my other half salary. Just so you know, I am broke. Like totally broke and I have no job. So, after much discussion with my dearest and friends, I decided to ask my ex-colleague. She said she doesn't know when will the pay be. Maybe early of February. So I decided to wait till the end of first week of February. And then I asked her again and she said, she got her pay already. So I braved myself to SMS my Mentor and he said he will ask Elly on Monday. The boss' wife. 


Monday. I waited for his SMS but he just kept quiet. My other colleague who resigned a day after I was let go told me that he already got his other half. So I decided to SMS my Mentor again, and this time he did not reply. And suddenly, my ex-colleague told me that the salary has been banked in. I should get soon. The next day, I SMS my Mentor and he said that I should get it within 3 days. So I waited.


Today, I realised I have some money in my account. Only a couple of hundred ringgit. I refused to believe that that is my other half salary. I SMS my mom asking if she banked in some of her money for me and she said "NO". She checked it for me and she said it IS from my previous employer. I was shocked. How come I got so little? Where is the "guarantee money"? I asked my Mentor and he said he doesn't know. He said I have to take the payslip. Okay, to be honest, I don't want to go back to that company. I was let go without warning. I'm embarrassed. I decided to ask a few of the managers there and apparently, they have no idea either if I should get the "guarantee money" or not.


Now, one of the ex-employee who quit on the day I was let go, decided to go to the office labor (or was it labor office?). I found out that he and a few other ex-employees who had resigned or let go and some still working there want to make a complaint against the company. They want to sue if possible and they are asking me to join. Their reason for me is I was unfairly treated. I was let go without warning. That is against the policy. Come to think of it, some of my colleagues were given warnings and they resigned before my boss let them go. That is unfair right? I was told about 10 am I think, or was it 9 something? Okay I don't remember. I was told that that day was my last day but I still have to work until 5.30 pm. Stupid right? I mean, with no warning saying I will be let go if I did not perform by any specific date or week. 


Now I feel like joining them to make a complain. But, I'm not that kind of a person. Should I or shouldn't I?


p/s: I do wish that my boss will get what he deserves! He doesn't have the right to treat people unfairly and also cheated them off of their money. %$@!!

sick.

I hate flu. I hate sore throat. I hate being sick and weak. 

p/s: Drinking 100 Plus is making my sore throat getting worse. Tipuu je cakap yang 100 Plus buat cepat baik. Pfft!

not in a good mood.

jammed.

no house key.

jammed.

late.

can my day get any worse?

pfft!

Once you decided to continue your studies, bare the consequences of it.

There is no turning back.
YIKES!

Make up story.

Sometimes, I just wish that I have the i-don't-care-of-what-you-say-about-me attitude. It bother's me so much to know what people say about me. I don't mind the true facts. But the wrong facts...? That's hard to ignore. I mean, why do you have to make up a story and spread it around? Why is it so important to you to make that someone look bad? 

Don't pretend to be a nice, innocent person when actually you are a bi**ch. A fake. You can fool other people, but not me, honey. 

I'm hoping for karma. What goes around, comes around. When that happen, you know I'll be the first one to enjoy that moment. 

peace. :)

*sigh*

my life is no longer the same. 
i know i should accept it and make the best of it.
but, i don't like it. yet.
maybe there is something in store for me in the future that i don't know about it yet.
i hope it will be better. soon. 
maybe this is just a phase.
maybe i need time to adjust myself to this new, kind of life. 
my life has now become a routine.
and i definitely don't like it. 

you keep me waiting. and you don't care.

would it kill you just to say 'hye' or 'how are you'?
you ignore me. 
might as well just leave me. 
because you don't even bother to know how i'm doing.
you don't even care.
while i'm like a crazy person here waiting for you and wondering how you're doing.


i guess i'm the stupid person here.
and i still am. 
because i'm still hoping and waiting.


thank you so much.

i wanna hold your hand.

i hope for a better solution. but maybe, this is what we need. but just so you know, i love you.


and i wanna hold your hand.